I walked past my old high school today. The red brick was inviting and I remembered and felt every single moment I lived inside that building. It felt so unreal, like I had lived on a different planet and came back to a setting that had changed only in the slightest. And thats how its felt coming back home. Its felt like nothing and everything. Like the whole world is behind me cheering me on as I embark on new journeys but at the same time the whole world is laughing behind my back as I stumble on un-walked roads.
Its been a process of taking the person that has been so changed during the past year and allowing her to come to terms with the present. Its never been about settling but its always been about staying present.
Its a process of remembering that letting go doesn’t mean forgetting.
Starting a new job, adjusting back to “normal life” and saying goodbye to something in my heart I am still saying hello to, I mean I saw it coming but I never wanted to face the reality of it. The reality of this being a lot harder than leaving. Leaving is easy but staying and being faithful is not. Forgetting is easy but learning to remember and trust that this is not the end, is not.
I am learning to love the season I’m in. I think that is always the challenge. We all find ourselves at one point or another stuck in a cycle of being absorbed in thinking about the “good ol’ days” when we don’t like whats happening in the present. The present isn’t always comfortable. Staying in this moment, being thankful for this season and trying to love where I am at is not easy, but its worth it. Because one day I will wake up and be so incredibly thankful for the now. Because one day I will understand that the now is exactly where God wants me to be. Because loving the now doesn’t mean I have to forget or “move on” from all thats happened in the past year. It allows to me embrace the present with arms wide open and a heart full of expectation.