“The middle is messy but it’s also where the magic happens.” Brene Brown
I read something today that struck a cord. I read that sometimes we go through seasons that cause us put aside our dreams, like working jobs that don’t line up with our true calling or seasons of preparation/waiting (or what many christians call it, “the valley”.) It is a strange thought I think, but I get it. I get that sometimes there are seasons of in between; the journey from A to B. In my head I get that there is growth in the process. But during times of “laying it down” I feel like a little kid giving up her favourite toy not understanding that my dad has something better in mind. Those moments it is hard to believe that God really takes us down one mountain, through the valley and only to take us up a even better mountain. I would have much preferred to go from one mountain to another without this journey in between. In the valley our faith is tested and our resilience is built. I am learning that trust isn’t always based on feelings because trusting rarely feels like butterflies and rainbows. Trust feels scary, vulnerable and stretching. And it is during times like these we see the areas our hearts struggle to trust, the parts of us we can’t really let go and surrender. That “area” for me was striving for perfection. I thought maybe if I was perfect I would feel like I have it all together. If I was perfect I wouldn’t feel shame about still having to work through issues that I thought I had already dealt with. Finally, if I was perfect I would be comfortable with myself. I am not perfect and I never will be is that reality that is both hitting me in the face and giving me the sweetest peace. Realising that without being perfect I am still perfectly loved right here in the right now is allowing me to find peace in the “in between”. Perfection tells me I have to be a finished product and grace tells me I have freedom to be a work in progress. It makes sense that this desire for perfection comes up in our hearts when we are walking through unknown and unsettling territory because perfection tricks us into believing that we must know it all and have it all together. Living a life running towards an unreachable goal is exhausting, it keeps us from growing and that, I believe, is the purpose of the “in between”; to grow. In seasons of obedience and blind trust God is preparing us. He is preparing us for bigger and greater things. We are all that little kid holding dearly onto something that God is begging us to let go of because when we do we will understand his goodness in it all. His goodness that will always fulfill the desires of the faithful and loyal. His goodness that will allow us to step into our fullness when we feel the most broken. It is here in the “in between” God’s making you, shaping and loving you. He is stripping off the perfection to perform and have it all together, telling you that being in process is the best place to be. Because it is there we learn that we were not made for perfection, we were made for perfect love.